mother

love

hatred

fear

pity

the feelings go both ways

me and her towards each other

what she has is expectation

and all i have is nothing

but an empty shell

love is great

so much great that it's destructive

too much it's suffocating

but too little you earn for more

i used to think i wanted love

but her love wasn't what I wanted

now i don't know how to love

how to be warm

instead im cold

with hatred towards her

how she talks 

the way she draws her breath.

how she looks at me with her eyes

despising something different

it scares me

the air surrounding her feels heavy

it chokes me to stand beside her

is it the fear because I can't fulfill what she wishes me to be

or is it fear that one day I'll be losing control

i guess i'm sorry

for not being what she wants me to be

for making her life miserable with my shit

and that concludes what I have to say

about her

my mother